Getting better

Sometimes the first step to change is admitting there is something wrong. Even if it is telling yourself a behaviour or habit doesn’t fit with your values and morals.

The second step is writing down a road map to get to the change you want. Breaking it down in mini goals.

I am in the road mapping zone right now. As I want to build my future. One dollar at a time. Because now I want to grow and be better than I was yesterday. I want to stop blaming how I am on what happen and start this thing called the future.

The next step is, the first step. Each step needs reflection and evaluation. You also need to check in on what that grand focus is.

For me my focus is clear and he keeps growing and learning so fast!

He is also the greatest photo bomber in my world.

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A sprinkle of truth

They say you don’t know what you don’t know. And ain’t that the truth when some big old dirty learnings hits you in the face.

Just like not knowing you’re in a boiling pot of water, especially if it heats up slowly.

But the great thing about this life is you can ignore what you learn and keep going, always hoping the truth doesn’t catch you. Or you can cease the day and act on your learnings.

Having lived with someone who hoped that things wouldn’t catch up, they always do. It may take weeks, months or sometimes years. Just like that video fine (yes video, remember them?) it found me 7 years later.

This week I am writing my goals down. I need a clearer picture so I can be more organised, more directed and a little less scattered. Being scattered was ok before child, now I cannot be that way. Parents are the only good example a child needs and more pressure to me. Because what’s more scary than a mothers love, is a single Mum’s love. We are a fierce lot!

These are the fabulous dresses that got me around this week.

Changing

Today I woke up a survivor, I am no longer a victim. I am not defeated, I am living my best life. Why? Because I packed up, left my old life behind and kept going on.

Why did I do it? How was I so strong? I did it without a second thought in the end. I always thought I wanted to give any child of mine a good life. And being stuck in an awful relationship, full of poison, lies and unkindness was not a home for me or for my child. No woman should be stolen from, cheated out of things that were given to her or lied to, nor should she be shamed by asking how or why. A healthy relationship is definitely about talking things through and helping each other out. But not abandoning you when you needed it or being blamed for someone else’s woes. It was an awful time of my life. And I am so pleased my son will never remember that.

For people looking in, I admit I was a great actress. But now I don’t act. I am me, I am happy, I have a healthy home and life for my son. And I am so much better for it.

Domestic violence is an awful thing. And if I wasn’t so sensitive to talk about it now I would love to become an activist for it. Women deserve to be treated with respect. It is not ok to have a partner or in laws that ignore or condone bad behaviour. I am so lucky I have the strength of lots of girlfriends and my gal pal family. I will always hold my head up high as I made a decision to cut the circle of violence and seek out a better life.

13 months on and I am so happy. In a relationship that’s healthy for me. I laugh ever single day and feel 110% supported. I am loved for being me. Not being a version of someone people wanted me to be. Things don’t make a house home, neither does a mortgage. It’s the love that lives in the walls of a house that make it a safe place and home.

This is a picture of two women who have been my wings when I couldn’t fly and who have injected all the love in the world to me and my son. One is blood and the other should be blood.

Alarm don’t work

Gosh lucky my body clock doesn’t recognise a sleep in anymore. In my head achey haste last night I didn’t set an alarm. I was up with a huge jump at 6.20am (20 minutes past my second snooze!)

Anyway all that order and organisation turned into survival this morning. No time to think too much as I washed, moisturised and made up my face. Fair to say my internal thermostat was on hot!! Anyway I threw together my outfit. No time to try on what lay on my bed.

Now people often ask how I buy online, I do and I have a little rule about jackets. I’d prefer to try them on as sometimes arms get squished and stretching can become an issue. But I shop at Little Party Dress and look at reviews before I hit “buy”. This grandpa jacket isn’t as fitted as I once wore. However I was once much younger and much more impressionable. Now I seek comfort and some attempt at “stylish”. In my mind I am hitting the brief well.

And on the online shopping I still love an unusual or striking outfit from them. This dress is no exception.

Today is my last day for my working week. My alarm will be my son tomorrow!

Short week

Spending a long week end at home is so good for the heart and soul. I am a home body. I forget just how anxious getting ready to go out can make me. As much as I just be me during the week for work I plan in advance what to wear, how I might do my hair and always consider how far I will walk and pick my shoes according.

Yesterday as me and my boys lounged around and had an arvo nap I tried to throw an outfit together as I flew out the door. How did I feel? Anxious and a bit over whelmed. What did I learn? I am a planner and feel comfort in my little routine of preplanning. I like the control it gives me. I can’t just throw an outfit together in a whim. No surprise parties for me please!

I am slowly learning the effects of my past and how I need to be more mindful and refocus when I feel the panic of something that no longer needs to haunt me. I remember someone saying I wasn’t a victim. But I know I was and I am learning to build myself up every single day. Sometimes a challenge takes me back to who I was then.

Today I consciously planned my outfit in the shower. Another Little Party Dress outfit. My absolute favourite online boutique!

In your corner

What I have learnt in my journey so far is you don’t need all the money in the world, nor flashy cars or even 1000 friends. You just need a few people in your corner, you know even just one person will do.

I have found a couple of loud supporters and some quite ones. My choice in partner has bought about someone who listens, lets me have my rant and silently takes mental notes. When I am calm he gives me his thoughts. He doesn’t want to influence as he thinks I am much smarter than I think I am. That is the missing piece I needed.

Today I wanted to bring in mid week with a bit of fun. I love the classic style of this Little Party Dress frock. However if you spy with your little eye you will spot a funny little flamingo making my day wonderfully fun.

Because at the end of the day, that man in my corner. He knows how to make me laugh every single day. Deep belly laughs that leave me with sore ribs. That is what I have always wanted.

Leap of faith

Don’t you love when a bad situation walks you right into a great situation. The gods or whoever are finally on my side.

Getting my life back on track has taken time and it’s not perfect, but perfect for me. I love living in its craziness.

Focusing on my ice cream & not counting my friends sprinkles is what I am doing. Everyone is in the eye of their own storm, we are all just in and out of it at different times. You got to enjoy the sunshine while you have it. And know that the rain will not last forever.

Today I’m wearing a dress from Little Party Dress that screams wine time to me!