And so I move on in my world. My next chapter will come. Together with my son and I we will make this life time a great adventure together. Why do you say? Because he will have a happy Mum. The Mum that disappeared as she clawed and grasped at a relationship that drained every ounce of my being.
A relationship should not feel strained. It should be shared with people who generally love your company and make you feel that warm comfortable. They care for you but don’t make you feel stress. They also don’t make you groan when you see their number come up on your phone. They don’t fill silence with nonsense. Your at ease. If you sit in any relationship whether it be a friendship or marriage if you feel a constant tension almost like a silent panic, think about how it makes you feel.
I’ve learnt chasing ghosts or anything to do with a relationship only hurts you. Chances are the pull is one way. And if walking away is the only time panic is felt by the other party, it’s too late.
Today my life is a mess. But it’s a beautiful mess and it is a mess with people who bring about a sense of calm to my life. And that’s enough for me.
My smile feels more real and my time and love for my son deeper. I will never love anyone as much as I do my son and I’m ok with that.