In my attempt to declutter I have become very good at shifting “maybe throw out” things around my garage. Why do I hold onto things? Well somewhere in my head I have this thought that one day when I can’t afford things I will use those maybe things. This has not come to fruition as I sit here on maternity leave earning peanuts! Because even in my poor motherly state I find ways and means to budget a little something “cheap” and nice into my week.
I have become savvy, but not a whole less cluttered. Most people feel a weight lifted when they throw things away. I do too, don’t get me wrong. But somewhere deep inside as I throw out a piece of clothing I once loved, I wonder will I have throw away remorse? Then I quickly question whether I am a hoarder? Tough questions to ask myself while my son has a mini nap.
Now I dance around the addiction topic a lot. I married a problem gambler. It’s a hard old road and like most addictions it is a quite hum which can turn into a cyclone. I don’t know where we sit from day to day. Or week to week. And like the piled up boxes in my garage some of the really good parts to a person are lost in the piles and piles of other stuff that surround them. As I sit here in peace on my own I can reflect and question amongst other things how long someone really hold the hand of someone while the cyclone peaks and troughs? Because everyone must run for cover to save themselves one day, and now I am not just saving myself but my son.
Today at Mothers group problem gambling was discussed. However I chose not to share a thing about myself. It’s funny who we chose to air our dirty laundry to.
If I have one word of advice to anyone, follow your heart. Sometimes we spend so much time trying to please everyone we don’t listen to that inner voice. I don’t know how many times I have wished I had listened to my heart.