Letters to My Father…

Today I write as my Dad (Papa) passed away suddenly nearly 1 month ago. My blog and world has been put on hold while I go through the roller coast of emotions. Losing a parent has felt to me as if a chunk of my heart has been removed. When I first head the news I remember holding my heart for hours. I even woke in the night with my hand on my heart. I feel like the month that has past has aged me. Somehow Dad made me feel like a child. It was a really nice feeling and I always felt safe around my Dad. Anything new in my life I would pass by my Dad for approval or at least to give me an opinion on what he thought…now emptiness has entered my heart and it has made me grow up.

I want to remember Dad fondly as I had such a great relationship with him. He was the kind of Dad you could laugh with, be craddled when something bad had happened and drink wine with until you were tipsy. Dad was so proud of me and my sister and we knew it everyday of our lives. He took pride in being our Father and really did your job well. Kate and I will always think of you often and love and respect who you were.

Something that keeps reminding me of early years is that smell of beer on your breath. I remember feeling like you were lighter, happier and remember you would always come and squeeze Kate and I. At the time we would almost run to get away from you but I rmember how your whiskers tickled our faces. That smell of beer on Anthony’s breath reminds me of you. Its funny you were so happy with Anthony and you should have been as he has qualities you posessed. He too will squeeze me with that smell of beer and lightness about him.

I do think about how you felt after work in the early years. Your beer at the pub would have taken the edge of the week and now that I work my butt off at my job I get that and I truly know how much you needed that. It was also how you earnt your stripes as such a big community man. In that small pub you made friends who would later cry at your funeral no matter how manly they were on that Friday night, your passing caused them and us your children and almighty pain that could not be fixed with drinks on a Friday night.

To you Dad I dedicate this blog.


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