I had a wee laugh when I read someone describe their Mum wardrobe as the stripe army. Well here I am. I am all Mum this week as my son fights off another lergy.
I remember being sent outside for fresh air, so fresh air we got. I love doing the park thing and the Mum thing but boy I miss work! I guess I’m ungrateful but I now know working is my choice. Hats off to the full time Mum’s. I could never walk in your shoes as I’d be raving mad. I reckon that will be the thing that holds me back from wanting a big family. The isolation of a mothers life for that snippet as they tend to the baby, family etc. It may be hard to be a working Mum of a toddler, but even harder to be a full time Mum. I get coffee breaks at work, when I want them. I got uninterrupted toilet time, when I need it. I get a lunch break sitting, walking or on my phone, again uninterrupted. I get to display what I like on my desk without it being thrown on the floor.
I absolutely love my little one to the moon and back. But I appreciate the work/life balance I have. I miss him just enough and fight off just enough Mum guilt to go to work when I need to. Anyway I am enjoying so much love and cuddles while I wear my Mum stripes. I love being a Mum, even if toddler tantrums are like the world is falling apart. It will only last a season and we will be into the next phrase.
Again I have accessorised my outfit a little as it’s cold as we walk to the park. Coffee and juice in the winter sun was the perfect morning.
I have been thinking how fickle love and especially break ups can impact on your friendships.
Much like a war “friends” who really have no right business picking a side when a relationship is falling apart. People in these situations don’t need people to chose a side. They really need a listening ear when they want to talk, a cuppa or wine when they want company, laughter and light when they feel like it won’t get any better. No where in friendship is there a time where anyone asks to chose a side and defend. There is always two sides to every story and there is always someone a little more in the wrong than the other.
Anyway my theory does not always transform into real life. But in my perfect world it would.
Talking transforming. Today I started my day off to the office and finished it off to the doctors with my little one. This is one dress two ways. All I did was dive into my wardrobe to add a different jacket, pair of shoes and a scarf for warmth. It’s freezing in Melbourne today.
So I am all about things, places, songs and smells bringing me back to happy memories.
I am also all about paying something forward hoping someone else will enjoy it too. Much like I did when I packed up my old memories of relationships gone and dusted.
However just because I didn’t continue to date someone with whom I did not connect with isn’t a good enough reason to pay it forward with today’s dress. And I’m so glad I moved my feelings aside in this instance as I had a positive experience.
Now as I drove home the other day Beach Boys came on my radio. Yes I’m 30 something so am allowed to listen to “golden oldies”. The song bought me back to the local pub in the town I grew up. I must have been primary school age. Mum and Dad were enjoying a meal with friends, a very rare ocassion being “out” and not at a friends house. My sister and I were on the dance floor with a regular lady at the pub. Boy we had fun playing with the juke box and dancing. Oh I miss dancing!!
I am determined to get some old music happening in my own life. My son needs to have the education of the days when musicians were artists and songs lasted many generations.
Anyway totally off track. But my mind has been changed slightly about bad memories. Maybe that song, smell, item of clothing can lead somewhere good in the future. Let’s be honest we hold good memories closer (and probably better) than bad memories. Just like a mother forgets the pain of birth, so does a bad memory lose its sting and impact.
So the message is, don’t be afraid of changing how you see something. Or not associating a bad memory with something that can be wonderful. Look I swear I thought I didn’t like pumpkin soup, but then I tried it again as an adult and it wasn’t so bad.
Goodness me it’s hard as an adult to set small realistic goals. Everything that should be a goal seems so far away. I miss childhood innocence when my biggest goal was how to do enough chores so I could buy a $2 bag of mixed lollies at the milk bar. And where on earth have milk bars gone?
Maybe there is more to my not wanting to have adult goals. They never got me anywhere. Just deeper in debt and miserably unhappy. However I am open to the universe and trying to focus on my future and knowing hope is out there.
My goals always have a central focus now. My son and our happiness. While happiness cannot be bought it can live in consistency and a simple life style. So here I go with my big goals, for big adults.
Maybe adult goals need more checking in than the run to the milk bar. Maybe we need to hold a dream while we build towards something that will bring about that feeling of safe and sound. That’s another goal- safety.
Anyway I will pencil down at least one goal and how I may work towards it in little chunks in an old fashion journal. Because if I write it, it will become my focus. But I will remember to enjoy the journey as that’s when amazing memories are made.
Today I wore this colourful get up to work. Because work is where I start my wealth towards my adult goals. It is another Little Party Dress which is a great versatile piece. Versatility is something my wardrobe needs to be for a few years!
This is a blog to the no eaters out there. I was there for the shortest part of my life. Living on tablets and flavoured water, and stating I was full and full of energy. You might get to your “ideal size” and in that “find happiness” but I don’t believe it.
As I sat in my lunch break listening to one lady have a war with herself “too many carbs”, “too much sugar”, “not much flavour”, “too guilty to eat”, and even one lady living the liquid drink admitting she likes nothing about her body. Can I tell you one thing? I love food, humans were born to eat. We were not designed to live on liquid or tablets. Anyone who unfortunately to health issues may have to live like this, most of us have a choice to eat and be merry.
I sat there thanking my own mother for never whinging about her body or going on any fad diets when we were kids. While I remember days in teens when I had so much body hate I could have filled a room, it was nothing to do with my Mum “counting her calories”, “weighing her meat or veggies”, it was because of nasty teen girls.
We grew up eating healthy home cooked food and knew that special occasions were the only time for “sometimes food”. We didn’t even understand carb free, protein only life styles. And I sure don’t want my son to grow up in a world where Mum lives on liquid and tablets and hates her body. I want to live where food is good. Treats happen at Nannies and Aunty Kates house. I don’t want my son thinking the only shape is what is popular at the time.
So the liquid lunch lady had soup. I enjoyed my salad but I also enjoyed the meat, bread and a couple of chips. Sure I’m not a tinnie tiny thing. But my son will be proud of his Mum and not be consumed by Mum’s next diet. I encourage healthy eating, lots of variety and I don’t want him thinking it’s ok to live on flavoured liquid and pills.
I want to know that if today was my last day that I tried whatever was offered. I am all for healthy, I walk further to my car. I’m not silly but I know how angry I am when I’m starving.
Today I’m in a second hand Little Party Dress again. And I’m enjoying my curves. This is who I am and this makes me happy.
What’s one memory you have from your childhood when you were sick? For me it was eating my mum’s soup. She didn’t make chicken soup much but it was so yummy, it warmed the heart and soul and I honestly believe helped you heal.
This week both me and my boys are sick. My request was soup. And in true good childhood memory lane my man produced the most delicious chicken soup. Maybe that should be a skill a man puts on his online dating profile “can make soup”. Every Mum or woman wants to know when life throws you a winter lergy that you will be warmed and cared for.
Every now and then I’m so pleased with my choice in partners. This one in particular. I could have run with the cool crowd (not that he isn’t extremely cool in his own right) but I went with someone who cared in actions, not just words. He also knows exactly what I need and when I need it.
Today I am looking so forward to living on chicken soup as I recover from my winter lergy. I hope these make beautiful memories for my own son. We are living a pretty awesome life.
This is what I wore yesterday to work, I felt flat and I felt snotty. But one thing most mum’s will agree on, sick leave is for my son, not me when I have a cold. If I’m not dying, I’m at work!
Again this is another “second hand” Little Party DressLPD71CYZ629HLPD71CYZ629HLPD71CYZ629H
Today I am making steps to order my thoughts. Again a note from yesterday is getting professional advise to ensure you are moving along into that direction you wish to be in.
I also am trying to order my house, room and spaces I go. The more ordered I am, the better I process and present to the world.
Before I meet new people, potential unmet friends, I am nervous. My nerves heat me up, make me all clammy and hot. It is a self distraction, but really annoying too. Especially as that’s one symptom of nervous me. I can get snappy as I try to focus. Too much chatter doesn’t help as I prepare for whatever it is I’m doing. This is one of my goals, to be less nervous and raw about meetings. I need not feel judged as really people’s judgement shouldn’t guide me.
Anyway today I put on my happy colour (yellow), had a courageous conversation. I’ve noticed keeping important ideas and thoughts to myself doesn’t help me move forward. So I spoke my mind and think it’s helping me with my direction. Thanks to Little Party Dress I am dressed for these conversations in a fun way.
Sometimes the first step to change is admitting there is something wrong. Even if it is telling yourself a behaviour or habit doesn’t fit with your values and morals.
The second step is writing down a road map to get to the change you want. Breaking it down in mini goals.
I am in the road mapping zone right now. As I want to build my future. One dollar at a time. Because now I want to grow and be better than I was yesterday. I want to stop blaming how I am on what happen and start this thing called the future.
The next step is, the first step. Each step needs reflection and evaluation. You also need to check in on what that grand focus is.
For me my focus is clear and he keeps growing and learning so fast!
He is also the greatest photo bomber in my world.
They say you don’t know what you don’t know. And ain’t that the truth when some big old dirty learnings hits you in the face.
Just like not knowing you’re in a boiling pot of water, especially if it heats up slowly.
But the great thing about this life is you can ignore what you learn and keep going, always hoping the truth doesn’t catch you. Or you can cease the day and act on your learnings.
Having lived with someone who hoped that things wouldn’t catch up, they always do. It may take weeks, months or sometimes years. Just like that video fine (yes video, remember them?) it found me 7 years later.
This week I am writing my goals down. I need a clearer picture so I can be more organised, more directed and a little less scattered. Being scattered was ok before child, now I cannot be that way. Parents are the only good example a child needs and more pressure to me. Because what’s more scary than a mothers love, is a single Mum’s love. We are a fierce lot!
These are the fabulous dresses that got me around this week.
Today I woke up a survivor, I am no longer a victim. I am not defeated, I am living my best life. Why? Because I packed up, left my old life behind and kept going on.
Why did I do it? How was I so strong? I did it without a second thought in the end. I always thought I wanted to give any child of mine a good life. And being stuck in an awful relationship, full of poison, lies and unkindness was not a home for me or for my child. No woman should be stolen from, cheated out of things that were given to her or lied to, nor should she be shamed by asking how or why. A healthy relationship is definitely about talking things through and helping each other out. But not abandoning you when you needed it or being blamed for someone else’s woes. It was an awful time of my life. And I am so pleased my son will never remember that.
For people looking in, I admit I was a great actress. But now I don’t act. I am me, I am happy, I have a healthy home and life for my son. And I am so much better for it.
Domestic violence is an awful thing. And if I wasn’t so sensitive to talk about it now I would love to become an activist for it. Women deserve to be treated with respect. It is not ok to have a partner or in laws that ignore or condone bad behaviour. I am so lucky I have the strength of lots of girlfriends and my gal pal family. I will always hold my head up high as I made a decision to cut the circle of violence and seek out a better life.
13 months on and I am so happy. In a relationship that’s healthy for me. I laugh ever single day and feel 110% supported. I am loved for being me. Not being a version of someone people wanted me to be. Things don’t make a house home, neither does a mortgage. It’s the love that lives in the walls of a house that make it a safe place and home.
This is a picture of two women who have been my wings when I couldn’t fly and who have injected all the love in the world to me and my son. One is blood and the other should be blood.